The Way Of A Mother

I had never expected to become a mother of six before the first year of my life was out. It was a daunting prospect, to say the very least. This being my first Life-Walk, I was certainly inexperienced, and probably a bit naïve, but I had hoped for an easier path. Such was not to be.

For one thing I was too small, having been born to a feral mother in a human city where small prey was scarce. I needed to eat almost all the time in order to nurse my kits, and I couldn’t. There were too many of my kind about, all competing for what mice, voles, and large insects there were, and many times I went hungry.

By the third week of my ordeal, I was becoming desperate. I knew my young were not growing properly, and I was quickly becoming thinner, myself. I had to find an answer soon, or I would begin to lose them, one by one. Such tragedy is not uncommon to my kind; it is just the way of life, upon the earth and under the sun.

I am of the Folk, and of the Clan of Cat, we of nine Life-Walks upon the earth that turns beneath the sun. I am called “Silent Song,” by my Clan and my kind. I owned no other name in the first year of my life, having no human to name me. I was feral, and knew the Clan of Man only as a threat.

As the condition of my little ones grew worse, need inevitably overcame fear. There came a morning when my desperation for them drove me to ignore instinct, and I set out to investigate the human habitations near the hidden place where I had given birth.

I had seen several of my kind repeatedly visiting one such, so I tried there first. Humans build above-ground nests, and like many of the Clans of the Folk, they make two entrances: a public access at the front, and a more private door in the rear.

This human habit is a dim echo of memory from their Clan’s remote past: should danger visit one’s front door, the family may still make a safe escape out the back.

I chose the private entrance, a brightly painted red door, for my first foray, it being the more hidden from view. Humans love to take live plants from their natural sites and replant them near their houses. This family had made a beautiful display of green and growing life here. Some of the flowering varieties even hung above the ground, in basket-like contrivances.

The scent of my kind was all about, and fresh. At least three different individuals were visiting this house on a regular basis, and had been doing so for some time. There could be but one reason for that.

I followed the scent trails and found what I had hoped for; just inside an iron gate was a dish of the dry, crunchy food humans give to their cat companions. It was not what I would have chosen for my morning meal, but it was fresh and plentiful, so I quickly filled my belly and returned to my babies, sleeping in my hidden lair.

They roused when I lay down, and began drowsily to nurse. Six kits are a difficult number for a she-cat mother. Nature had equipped me to nurse that many, but they were a severe drain on my strength.

Careful management was needed too, to see to it that my stronger offspring did not prevent their weaker siblings from being properly fed. Their grooming also took much time each day, which I could not devote to finding food.

I have heard it said that there are Clans, upon the earth and under the sun, whose mothers coldly push aside their weaker offspring and allow them to die, so that the stronger may thrive.

I could not do that, while the breath of life remained within me. Even the idea of it was abhorrent. Such is not the way of my Clan and my kind.

An ancient song, first sung by my folk in the morning of the world, tells of the way of a mother. It is a path strewn with many hard choices, and she who would tread it, must be prepared to put aside her own welfare and sometimes even her life to give everything she has for her young.

It is said that a mother will love her offspring, whether she wills it or not. It may be the truth; I only knew that my world, at that time of my life, was limited to my six sleepy babies. If I had to lay down my life for them, then I would. There would be no hesitation.

The house with the bright flowers and iron gate had provided them with a chance. If I could successfully compete for a share of the food the humans left there for my kind, there might still be a way to bring all my babies through safely.

That was all I wanted, and all any mother asks. Heartbreakingly, it is a gift not always given, in the world that turns beneath the sun.

For the next three mornings, I visited the dish by the iron gate daily and ate my fill without interference, but on the fourth I had to fight, and was driven away by a large striped tom. I did not retreat far, but crouched beneath some of the flowering plants to lick my wounds. Perhaps there might be a second chance; for the sake of my young ones, I would wait and see. I dared not admit to failure.

The Clan of Man make square openings in the walls of their houses, and cover them with a thin substance which is very like ice, but much clearer. Later I learned that the humans call this arrangement a “window.” I saw movement behind one of these, and knew that my defeat had been observed.

“Very well,” I thought to myself. “Those who do one kindness may well do another, if given time.” I continued to wait.

The red door soon opened, and a human woman emerged. She looked quickly about her, but I was well concealed, and just waited her out. Small for the Clan of Man she was, and her hair seemed to be spun from pure silver, sparkling in the sun.

Shaking her head, the woman then did exactly what I had been hoping for: she went to the dish and refilled it from a bag in her hands, and then returned inside her house.

I got up and strolled back to the dish myself, taking care to do so in full view of anyone watching from behind the window. It was my small way of thanking the woman with the bright hair, for her compassionate act.

In the morning of the world, the Spirit Above gifted my kind with the ability to see and know the hearts of others. I reached out now in that way, and knew immediately that there was nothing in this human woman’s heart that was not bright and good. Her kindness went beyond appearance; it reached to the very center of her being.

I saw that she too had been, or was, a mother. I gave her a secret name that day, one that only I would ever know: “Shining Heart.” I returned to my six babies knowing I had an ally, and my spirits began to rise a bit. The Spirit Above is kind; perhaps a way really did exist to preserve all of their little lives.

The next few days were hopeful. I began to gain back some of the flesh I’d lost, and my kits grew and developed at a more normal pace. Shining Heart always saw to it that I got a fair portion of the food and water she set out every day, even if she had to refill the dishes after the larger cats had taken what they needed.

Then a new and terrible threat presented itself: a large feral tom who chanced to find my lair. I had not been careful enough, and he must have seen me as I entered. I knew he would kill my little ones if given the chance, and I redoubled my vigilance.

Such is the way of life, upon the earth and under the sun. Only the Spirit Above knows why such tragedies are allowed to happen. It has simply always been this way, since the morning of all things.

I knew the wild, black tom wouldn’t challenge me face to face, for no fiercer, more fearless creature walks the earth than a she-cat mother whose young are threatened. No, he would watch from concealment. If he could enter my lair while I was gone, the terrible deed would be done before I could prevent it.

My visits to Iron-Gate House and Shining Heart’s dishes became furtive, and hurried. Many times I could not remain there long enough to fully satisfy my hunger. On one very bad day, the black tom was watching so closely that I dared not leave my lair, and I ate nothing.

I began to fear that he might attack me after all; there had to be a better way. I knew I had a potential friend in Shining Heart. Perhaps if she could be made to see the urgency of my need, she might know an answer.

I could think of but one way to accomplish that. Taking firm hold of my courage, I determined upon a desperate course of action. I could not delay, even so much as a day.

I waited until the feral tom had left for a time, and then chose the strongest of my babies. I took him up by the scruff of his tiny neck and carried him swiftly to the door of Iron-Gate House, where I deposited him carefully among the flowering plants.

I called, after the way of my kind, and sat expectantly before the red door. Not many heartbeats had passed before Shining Heart opened it, and looking out, saw me and my little son, waiting there among the flowers.

I think the human woman with the bright hair expected me to run, but I stood firm. I wanted to present my baby, and have her see how very precious and handsome he was.

Shining Heart’s eyes opened wide in surprise. She smiled and laughed quietly as she bent to admire him, while I stood proudly by. Then she called softly, in the way of her human kind, and a man, I later came to know as her mate, appeared in the doorway behind her.

This human tom was a bluff and smiling man, merry of face and white of hair. He quickly earned a new, secret name that day. After just a few heartbeats in his presence, I began to think of him as “Laughs Loudly.”

I saw that I had chosen these humans well. Now the time had come for me to carry through with my whole plan. Leaving my son with the admiring human pair, I returned quickly to the hidden lair where I had given birth. There I took up another of my babies, a daughter this time, and carried her to Iron-Gate House, where Shining Heart and Laughs Loudly waited.

Shining Heart nodded and smiled, as I laid my little one beside her brother. She whispered something to her mate, and he chuckled.

“It’s going to be all right,” I told myself, “It will be all right.” I fervently hoped that it was the truth.

Then I returned again to my lair. One by one, I carried all six of my precious babies to Iron-Gate House, and as Shining Heart and her mate watched, set them among the flowering plants near the red door. Then I lay down before the human pair, and began to nurse and groom my kittens.

Thus did my life, and with it the lives of all my babies, turn completely upon itself and begin anew. A desperate and hastily made decision on my part, became the pivot about which everything changed.

The earth turns beneath us and is never still, and we must move with it. Life must be lived as it is given us, upon the earth and under the sun. If it changes, then we must change too.

For several days I and my young remained there, protected from enemies by the nearness of the humans, and from the rain by the overhanging eaves of their roof. Shining Heart saw to it that I ate first, whenever she set out her gifts of food and clear water for my kind.

I knew that the black feral tom, who had marked me out as his enemy, would never approach as closely as this to the red door. He would not come near. He knew as I did that Shining Heart and Laughs Loudly were apt to appear at any time, and he feared the humans, as most of the feral among my kind do.

Laughs Loudly began to come forth many times during each day, seemingly for the express purpose of admiring my family. One evening he reached out to gently stroke the fur of one of them with his forefinger, watching me closely all the while, to see if his action met with my approval. I purred loudly, in answer.

Instinct cried out against allowing humans to touch my young, but I had seen his heart, after the way given to my Clan. I found many things there: one was an abounding love for my kind. This man had cherished many cat companions, and gladly shared his life with them. Another was that he had seen many summers, and well knew the ways of life upon the earth, and under the sun.

I saw that the cruelties to which his Clan was so prone would be unthinkable to Laughs Loudly. In this he was very like his mate, Shining Heart. I was happy to have them show attention to my babies, there among the growing plants they had cultivated.

On one memorable day, Shining Heart left the red door invitingly ajar, after seeing to my needs. I looked at the opening for many heartbeats, before I moved.

There is an old proverb told among the Clan of Man, which speaks of the many of my kind who have, through an excess of curiosity, unexpectedly ended their Walks upon the earth. Sadly, it is very true, and my own curiosity soon overcame prudence.

I got up from where I lay with my kits, stretched, and went slowly to the open door, and peered inside. I had never before seen the interior of a human nesting place.

The scents and sounds there were quite different from what I had known: it was quieter, and very much cleaner. I entered, but resolved to stay no more than a long leap from the door. I must at all costs keep open a route back to my babies, no matter what unexpected calamity might descend on me.

It was a bright and cheerful room, the humans having pierced its walls with several of their clear windows. Against one wall, I saw another dish of the food given by them to my kind, and before it, a large orange tom was eating his fill.

He looked up from his meal as I entered, but I sensed no hostility from him at all, only an amused sort of welcome.

This member of my Clan was cleaner than I had ever been in my life, and immaculately groomed, from his ringed tail to his broad whiskers. He was well padded with flesh beneath his orange fur, clearly never having known hunger.

This then, was one of those among my Clan who freely choose to live with the humans, and become their lifelong companions. He did not seem to have suffered by it, at all.

I explored the four corners of the room, and briefly hopped up to look out through one of the windows. The world outside was as clear as if the window had been nothing but air. The well-groomed orange resident watched me all the while, but did nothing to interfere.

I saw that Shining Heart had come from a second room, smiling, as she watched me, too. Then I twitched my whiskers to her in a friendly farewell, and returned to my family, waiting among the flowers. The red door of Iron Gate House stayed invitingly open until nightfall, but I did not enter again that day.

I pondered long and hard, as I lay that night with my babies. The opened door was clearly an invitation, but to what? How far did it extend? What had Shining Heart and her mate meant by this message?

Perhaps I was merely being invited inside to visit, to see the interior of their habitation. It could also be that I was meant to feed there, with my orange kinsman.

He certainly seemed good natured enough to allow it. What I had sensed from him was a simple “no danger here” message. He was not threatened by my presence, nor did he intend me any harm.

How would it be to live in a place of total safety, and be so clean? What would it be like to raise young ones in such a place, where no deadly peril lurked, waiting for a moment’s inattention? To dine so casually, secure in the knowledge that the dish would always be there, filled and ready?

I resolved to enter the home of Shining Heart and Laughs Loudly again, should the red door be once more left open. I would communicate directly with my large, apparently friendly kinsman. Perhaps he might give me the answers I needed.

The opportunity arose the very next morning. Before the sun had dried the dew from my fur, Shining Heart emerged from the red door to replenish the food and water dishes by the iron gate.

When she had finished, she stooped to gently pet my babies one by one, and spoke to me in her kind voice. Then she straightened and returned to her home, but did not close the door behind her. As before, it was left slightly ajar, in clear invitation.

I rose from my leafy bed, but I did not immediately approach the red door. I sensed that if I entered again, some sort of commitment would be made, and I was not ready for that. Instead, I went to the dish by the iron gate and dined upon the food Shining Heart had left there, just to give myself time to think.

In all of my short life, I had remained feral and free. I had not, until the last few days, depended on the Clan of Man for anything, not so much as a morsel.

That I did so now was necessitated solely by my responsibility for my little ones. Their welfare took first place over everything else in life. Everything. The Spirit Above made me thus, in the dawning of my existence. I am glad to be so. I would not wish to be otherwise.

It is said by my kind that if we live once with the humans, we will do so again and again, until all our lives are spent. There is a subtle lure to being near them, and friendships are quickly formed with them that endure for entire Life-Walks.

The Clan of Man can be cruel, as far too many of my kind will affirm. They are ambitious and dirty, tearing apart great swathes of the earth to build their enormous cities. They are centered almost entirely upon themselves, oblivious to the lives of other, less obtrusive Clans who must live beside them, upon the earth and under the sun.

Yet some of them can be kind, gentle, and good, filled with love for one another and for the other creatures, with whom they share the earth that turns beneath the sun. Some of them actively seek out my kind, as companions and friends.

I had, for some time now, clearly seen the hearts of the human pair before whose door I dwelled with my kits. I could easily discern between the kind and the cruel, the bright and the dark, and I saw that no harm would come from them.

That the large orange tom I had seen inside chose to remain with them, gave further testimony in their favor. The red door had remained open for an entire evening, the day I had cautiously entered. It was open now. If he had wanted to leave them, he could have done so at any time.

He was no prisoner. He was a member of this family; everything I had sensed from him shouted it.

I finished my breakfast then, stretched, and walked to the red door, possibly the portal to an entirely new life. I put head and whiskers inside, and saw that my orange kinsman was again present. He flipped his tail in casual greeting to me.

“Welcome, little mother. Are your kits well today?”

“They are very well, good Sir,” I replied, in the way of my kind. “I am called ‘Silent Song,’ by our Clan.”

“I am called in these days ‘Elder Spirit,’ he replied. Would you like to come and dine from my dish, Silent Song? I will stand in the doorway and guard your little ones while you do so, if that is your choice.”

“Perhaps,” I said. “May I ask how you came to own such a powerful naming?”

“Every creature the Spirit Above set upon the earth was given its proper place, Silent Song. Those who find their true places are most fortunate, for they know real purpose in their lives. What is yours?”

“It is only the wise who answer question with question, Elder Spirit. Therefore I will say to you that my place is that of a mother, and only that. If I cannot preserve the lives of my young, I do not care to live.”

He nodded in acceptance of my words, and replied, “Well said! Then my answer to you is this: throughout all of my existence I have been protector, mentor, friend of the weak, and teacher of the young; this is my true place.

“When I left the Sacred Isle to begin this, my ninth and final Walk, the Shades gifted me with a new name to commemorate that place: the name I now wear, upon the earth and under the sun.”

“That is great and high honor indeed, Elder Spirit,” I said, inclining my head and dropping my eyes, in the way that my kind show respect. If he had completed eight Life-Walks, he was “Elder” indeed, having likely seen more than one hundred summers, upon the earth that turns beneath the sun.

“May I ask yet another question of you, good Sir?” He nodded, and I took a deep breath. “You have invited me to share your own dish.” He nodded again, and I blinked solemnly, to acknowledge how great a gift that was.

“I spoke truly when I told you that I am a mother, and only a mother. I must ever think first of my babies. What then, if my request, for their sake, were to allow them within, to share your home? I ask nothing for myself; I would depart as soon as they are weaned, and you would see me no more.”

He yawned deeply and flicked his ears then, in the merry laughter of our Clan and our kind. “That is not for me to say, Silent Song, but I can tell you that the humans you call Shining Heart and Laughs Loudly have spoken of little else, since the day you brought your babies to the red door, and they have never once mentioned anyone’s departure.”

“How is it that you know my secret names for this human pair, Elder? I have voiced them only in my heart!”

Elder Spirit approached me then, and gave my ears a reassuring lick. “Your song is not silent to me, little mother. Not to me. Come fully within. I have somewhat to show you.”

I did so, and he turned and led the way across the room and through the door of a second chamber. There, in a quiet place, warm and easily guarded, I saw several things. A blue wicker bed had been placed there, of the kind given by humans to the members of my Clan who become their companions. It contained a soft cushion and a small blanket. Beside it were dishes, as yet unfilled.

The luxurious objects before me were clearly new, and had never yet been used. I turned to Elder, unsure of what to say.

“These were placed here for you, Silent Song. These belongings are yours. My humans hope that you will bring your little ones here and remain always, as their friend.”

“I have never had anything that belonged to me, Elder. There was always a larger cat, someone to take it all away.” I looked into his amber eyes, deep with the wisdom of eight Life-Walks, and many, many summers, upon the earth and under the sun. My whiskers twitched with unwonted emotion. “I have never had a friend.”

“You have three of them this day, Song. The choice is yours, and yours alone. If you want them, they are yours. There is no captivity here, no hidden trap; the red door may be passed in either direction, and at any time.

“But everything you see before you is yours, and will never be taken away. That will not happen, while breath remains within my body.”

I nodded, in acknowledgement of what he’d said, and all that he had meant, but left unsaid. Then I raised my eyes to his again, and twitched my whiskers just a bit. “Elder Spirit, may I ask where you sleep? Do you have such a bed?”

He yawned in laughter again and replied, “I sleep wherever I choose, Silent Song: on my humans’ bed, in their chairs, or even in their laps. There is nothing better than an afternoon nap in a warm lap!”

“Really?” I gaped in astonishment. “You actually hop up into a human’s lap?”

He nodded gravely. “This is my home and these are my humans, as they are now yours, if you so choose. Laughs Loudly would be hurt and badly affronted, if I did not lie in his lap at least once in every day. Their kind show their love for us in many amusing ways. Did you know that you have been given a name?”

My mouth opened again at this bit of news. “No, Elder. I had never thought of it. How am I called by them?”

“You are ‘Smitty.’ Laughs Loudly calls you nothing else, now.”

“Oh,” I said. “’Smitty’… It sounds rather like one of our kind spitting at an enemy.”

“It does indeed,” he answered, and laughed once more. “The point is, you are loved enough that our humans have bestowed upon you a name of their own making. It is a great gift, after their way, and after ours as well. Are you ready now, Silent Song? May I assist you, to bring your babies into this place of safety, within this house?”

“No, Elder,” I said in a small voice. “I thank you, but that is a task for me alone. But would you call Shining Heart and Laughs Loudly? I would have them see me, as I come into their home with my precious little ones.”

“Your home, Smitty,” he replied. Never forget that.” Then he turned and left to fetch our humans.

I went out through the red door, and once again gently picked up my little son, and carried him into Iron Gate House, where Shining Heart and Laughs Loudly lived. As they watched, I laid him carefully upon the blanket, in the wicker bed they had prepared for me and my family.

I went outside again, and returned with another of my babies, and another, and another, until all six lay there in this place of quiet and safety. Then I lay down in the wicker bed, before my humans, and began to nurse and groom my kittens, in the way of a mother among my kind.

I knew, deep in my heart, that it would make no difference to me if Laughs Loudly were to close the red door and seal it shut forever. If Iron Gate House was truly my home, then I intended never to leave it again.

END